Lisa Gungor and Finishing My Degree

Posted February 25, 2015 @ 1:12pm | by Tripp

I am listening to Lisa Gungor's album, "From the Ground." I have always liked her voice. And her collaboration with Michael Gungor (her husband) in the band Gungor is always interesting. Still, he gets the majority of the attention there. His guitar is prominently featured. Lisa's album, on the other hand, is about her voice and the lyric. 

Now, I am not one for lyrics. What does that mean, you ask? I like the sounds over the words.  A good melody is great because of the melody and not the lyric. There are scores of tunes I know but still cannot recite the lyric. Lisa's stories are compelling. Wrapped up in the silky voice and the stark instrumentation, she provides just enough sonic scaffolding to tell the story. 

Righteous stuff. 

That said, or writ, I have yet to write anything for my comps. They are due next Friday. Between now and then I'll be flying to Denver to preach a friend's ordination service. I'm elated to do so. But, you know, there's just not enough time this side of the eschaton for me to do what I need to do. 

Right. You knew this already, but I whine. I'm whining now. I'm wasting words on my blog that might very well belong in a comps essay. My study skills and habits are proving troublesome. So is my personality. 

God made me this way, some would say. I don't know about that. It's more complex, I'd gamble to say. Still, here we are. I'm whining. I'm imagining not completing this program. I don't experience it as a loss, per se. It saddens me to no end, but it's not a loss like in winning or losing. It's not a failure, either. It's just hitting the edge of my limits. I can't dunk a basketball, either. 

I am no less valuable a person. Those aren't my hangups. I have many hangups, but that ain' one of 'em. I'm awesome. But I'm limited. 

This may be the limit for me. I just can't do this work. 

Is that so hard to imagine? No.

And I need to imagine it if I stand any chance of completing the degree. 

Can you imagine that? Imagining completing it is not helping me. It stymies my ability to do the work. Imagining not completing it is much more realistic somehow, much more helpful. Ah well.

I'm just tapped and I want to disappear.  

One last thought. Some will say that I should not share such wrangling in public. They are smart people and likely right. But I'm doing this to work out my own stuff. If such wrangling offends, I am sorry. But, if I am honest, I find it scandalous that public speech about failure would be such an anathema. So, there's that. I will speak openly about failure. Know that. 

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