conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

Don't lose any opportunity, however small, of being gentle toward everyone. Don't rely on your own efforts to succeed in your various undertakings, but only on God's help. Then rest in his care of you, confident that he will do what is best for you, provided that you will, for your part, work diligently but gently. I say "gently" because a tense diligence is harmful both to our heart and to our task and is not really diligence, but rather over eagerness and anxiety...I recommend you to God's mercy. I beg him, through that same mercy, to fill you with his love. - Francis de Sales


Liturgy and Mission: Why Rachel and Keith Are Right

Posted May 7, 2015 @ 1:00pm | by Tripp

When did you last think about the relationship between your community's worship practices and their missions? It's such a loaded conversation. What makes for "mission"? Why do we set the two practices - what we do in worship and what we do after - at odds with one another? Is it simple geography? One happens behind the ecclesial closed doors while the other is more public? I want to know when we lost the sense that our liturgies were public events rather than secret rites. But that's another post.

Keith Anderson has written a response to Rachel Held Evans' post on the sacraments and getting Millennials back in church. From where I sit, both pieces are strong. And Keith's critique is really for those who think that RHE has given congregations afraid of change a get out of jail free card. She hasn't. Quite the opposite. And Keith is driving that point home.

"Judging from the comments I’ve seen in the days since Held Evans’s article was posted, I’m afraid that her assertion has had the unintended consequence of reinforcing the tendency toward inertia exhibited by some Mainline ministry leaders. “See, we’re fine. We don’t need to change,” I can hear them saying. “We can keep doing what we’re doing. Let’s put on some coffee, order some new communion wafers, and wait for the young evangelicals to come pouring in.”

Good luck with that."

He's absolutely right. Rachel is saying something quite different. You see, she's doing the work of connecting the mostly obvious dots. By doing, she offers a critique of the "relevant liturgy" industry. Such liturgy is an invitation into a purity cult whereas her experience of the Episcopal church reflects an invitation into something much broader.

"But I believe that the sacraments are most powerful when they are extended not simply to the religious and the privileged, but to the poor, the marginalized, the lonely and the left out. This is the inclusivity so many millennials long for in their churches, and it’s the inclusivity that eventually drew me to the Episcopal Church, whose big red doors are open to all — conservatives, liberals, rich, poor, gay, straight and even perpetual doubters like me."

She sees the connection between the liturgy and the mission of the community with which she worships. On the other hand, the communities seeking slicker styles are often masking an inhospitable theology with their very hospitable aesthetic. The beleaguered Mark Driscoll's Mars Hill is an easy example of what I'm talking about.

What I like about both pieces is that they are desperate to connect the dots between the liturgy and the liturgy after the liturgy (Ion Bria's helpful gloss). Ruth Meyers has a new book out entitled Missional Worship, Worshipful Mission that suggests the image of a Mobius Strip to explain the relationship between worship and mission. It's worth your time, if you like reading that sort of thing. Here's a related essay for you as well. In an interview she suggests:

"I introduce a worship matrix as a tool for preparing missional worship. Take one part of that matrix — perhaps the gathering with which worship begins or the way you arrange and use your worship space. Consider how that aspect of your worship can more fully express God’s love for the world and draw the assembly into deeper communion with the triune God. Experiment a bit — try one new thing in worship and see what happens.

Most importantly, pray and study the Bible, listening for the still, small voice of God and opening your eyes to the ways God is already at work in your assembly for worship and in your neighborhood."

This is what excites me about this kind of exchange we're seeing right now online. People are questioning the relationship between their worship practices and their missions. Deepening our understanding of these two practices and how they are actually connected to one another can only strengthen the ministry of any community.

Rachel and Keith are both right and they are both providing examples of how we might all examine our own practices.


This post was cross posted at Sojourners and on the ABSW faculty blog.

Filed Under: liturgy |   | Permalink

Look Who's Dancing

Posted April 6, 2015 @ 11:22am | by Tripp


Ziggy Marley & Stephen Marley perform "Look Who's Dancing" on the streets of Austin, TX. #LegendaryStyle #MelodyMakers John Varvatos

Posted by Bob Marley on Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Filed Under: theology |   | Permalink

For Holy Week

Posted April 6, 2015 @ 10:37am | by Tripp


Cloth-draped cruciformity
Hangs from the rafters
No words may sully
The neatly-ordered
Tale of betrayal,
Blood, and sweat.
Today is one of
Those days when I
Am reminded that I
Cannot get there
From here.


And they call this day "good."

What has been done
Cannot be undone
There are no reparations
Only hollow promises of
Redemption and release
She stands in the shadow
Awaiting resurrection and
Recollects for us a time
When as a child she was told
Not to sing. Sometimes
Courage is a child singing


I cannot for the life
Of me remember a
Time when my heart
Did not ache for a
Place or moment or 
Smiling face that I might
Recognize and would
In turn recognize me
The self-imposition of
loneliness is like ashes
Upon my forehead, my
Solitude a cloak of 
Sackcloth and ostentatious


Enshrouded in God's Love, I am entombed in Grace and anointed with the promise of more. I do not know if I have the patience to wait out Death or the courage to harrow Hell itself. I am struck down by my own words and the urgings of my heart. Here I make my own end.


I am preparing for the Great Vigil.
Packing up a lifetime of regrets and
Remorse, I make my way uphill,
Through the doors, and into the 
Courtyard. There, with the others,
I will gather around flame and song.
I shall stand in the dark while God's
Primordial flames begin to burn it
All away. My chaff. My hurts, both 
Afflicted and inflicted. With heart
Outstretched I will sing and walk
And pray that in the moment of 
Light I might know what it is to 
Be born again. Hæc nox est.

Filed Under: poetry |   | Permalink

Palm Sunday Sermon

Posted March 29, 2015 @ 7:11am | by Tripp

The ministry of Jesus the Christ was inescapably political. At every turn he was setting himself at odds with the powers that be. Rome. Jerusalem. Religious authorities. State authorities. The confusing conflation of the two found in that day and age...
Every act of healing, every act of love, 
    every proclamation of the jubilee
    every lesson taught; 
    every meal shared;
All of it - political. 

A precarious statement from this pulpit given the political activities in the state of Indiana this week. Faith and politics is a mixture that rightly makes us uneasy. 

But, Jesus wasn’t running for office. Nor was he lobbying for a bill to be signed into law. The particularities of Jesus’ context were different than our present day circumstances. But that Jesus set himself against the Powers, the Principalities, is plain to see. 

"Hosanna! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the coming kingdom of our ancestor David! Hosanna in the highest heaven!"

I have a tradition of trying to turn Holy Week into a time of devotion, a time set aside for personal reflection and renewal. Certainly, it is that. But given how we begin this week, this particular service, I wonder if I need to reframe what we are up to this week. What if the political prelude of the procession of palms is the context for the entire story? Rather than treating it like a liturgical prefix, what if we paid attention and saw it as the catalyst for all that will follow. It is the culmination of Jesus’ ministry. 

This story isn’t about how everyone around Jesus got it wrong...about how they didn’t understand his true purpose. It is a story about how Jeusus shows us all how far we must go - all the way to the heart of creation itself. It’s not that everyone got it backward. No. Rather, it’s that they simply didn’t take it far enough. They didn’t take it all the way to the cross, to the tomb, and to the third day. 

Jesus is bringing the politics of the Kingdom of God into the heart of the political landscape of his time and it baffles everyone. So they respond. 

When faced with the politics of the Kingdom of God, 
    there is almost always a political action in response; 
        a flexing of political muscle... attempt to close things down. And that’s precisely what happens. 
The powers shut it down. Isn’t this just what political power often does? It sets limits. It closes things down. It builds fences to keep the wrong kind of people out. 

And, of course, in our own time, we often use Jesus as an excuse to do just that. We call it the Kingdom, but it’s not. 

This itself is a misunderstanding of what the politics of the Kingdom are. 

Jesus is trying to open things up. He’s asking for mercy. He’s offering grace. He’s trying to open our hearts and minds. He’s trying to open our communities. He wants to give everyone space to breathe, live, learn, and grow into what God created us to be.

Why are we so afraid of giving one another that freedom? 
And why, when we are granted that freedom, are we so quick to renounce it?

This is Holy Week. From top to bottom this entire week of liturgies is a retelling of an act of rebellion that was meant to open us up - to open all of creation - to throw open the gates of Hell, overthrow Death and proclaim life. Can this be our politics? 

Look around you at the stations of the cross
What is devotional is political is devotional again. 
A first century march on Jerusalem is an act of politics.
A twentieth century march on Selma is an act of devotion.

Can a twenty-first century procession around the block in Berkeley - that act of devotion - be an act of politics? This is the politics of the Kingdom of God and this is the political devotion that is Holy Week. 

It is a politic of love and not domination. 
It is a politic of love and not violence.
It is a politic of love and not greed.  

This is the insurrection of God. 


This sermon was preached at All Souls Episcopal Parish, Berkeley, CA. 

Filed Under: liturgy |   | Permalink

Pondering A Break

Posted March 23, 2015 @ 6:55pm | by Tripp

It's not rocket science. If you've been following along, it cannot be too great a surprise to hear that I was unable to get everything done in time for my oral defense. Not for lack of trying, of course, but there it was. The words stopped. There's a baby coming. I have this full time job that I enjoy. There's much to do and I need to do it all.

I'm not suggesting that anything bad has happened or that any of this is particularly unfair, but I'm sitting here trying to recharge. I petered out. Crashed. Burned. Etc. So, I'm going to take a great deal of down time and await Mixtape's arrival in early April.

Thanks again for all your support and encouragement.

Filed Under: conjecture |   | Permalink

Just Whining

Posted March 16, 2015 @ 10:47pm | by Tripp

Once upon a time I could work on four hours of sleep. Now it seems that though I only manage 4-6 hours most nights, I can no longer do the intense intellectual (an overstatement, perhaps) work that is needed. I'm sitting here allowing the white noise of the internet wash over me in the hopes that something will spark my energy back up. But it's not happening, sadly. 

I'm going to have to regroup. 

I am afraid I don't have it in me. Yes, I'm whining, but I'm good at whining. So, there's that. I wonder if there's good work for whiners? What would that be? Radio personality? Perhaps. 

I don't know how people work full time and do doctoral work. It's too much for me. I'm not even at the dissertation phase. Lordy. Ugh. 

Preachers, when you stand in the pulpit and you talk about limitations and failure, what do you talk about? Is it only ever fictional? Is it only ever Moses' stutter? Peter's cluelessness? Maybe it's Martha's work ethic. Or do you stand up there and say, "So, this one time I really fucked up. Let me tell you about it." Or more generously, "Here's a story of when I hit the limits of what time and energy allowed me to do." Do you ever tell those stories? Why or why not? 

I don't know what's going to happen next. I'm going to go back to the salt mines. I may make it. It's also possible that I just won't be able to write any more tonight about semiotics and liturgical song. I just don't know. 

I just don't know. 

Filed Under: random foolishness |   | Permalink

The Penultimate Comps Essay

Posted March 11, 2015 @ 10:21am | by Tripp

How does a sonic symbol function? Maybe we should first ask, "What is a sonic symbol?" Can there be such a thing? It's a foregone conclusion that there is such a thing, in my not-so-humble opinion. Still, I need to "show my work" as the old mathing attage goes. Let's pray I don't drop a negative somewhere along the way. 

What follows is an attempt to distill my comps essay into just a few words. The hope is by doing so, the 30-40 page missive will be more clear to me and I can finish it up today. Here is how I framed the question for my comprehensive exam proposal. 

In Sonic Theology, Guy Beck wrote, “While historians of religion have routinely conducted research into sacred space and sacred time, they have curiously overlooked or ‘overheard’ the dimension of sacred sound.” To meet the implied challenge of Beck's words, the focus of this particular essay is the hymn “Blest Be the Tie That Binds” by eighteenth century Baptist preacher and hymn writer, John Fawcett (1740 - 1817) and its present-day use as a communion hymn in many American Baptist congregations.

This essay will interpret the hymn and construct a sonic theology through a brief survey of various religious practitioners, the semiotic theories of Thomas Turino (semantic snowballing), Naomi Cummings (listening as an act of love), and Jean-Jacques Nattiez (discourse theory), and the theological notion of "multi-faceted loving" described Augustine's De Trinitae. More than simply about sound itself, a sonic theology is holistic and performative, the sonic elements of the music carrying a variety of theological meanings found in lyrical text, in the ritual context and it performative strategies, in the embodied interpersonal relationships between liturgical participants, as well as participants' memories of past performances of the hymn. This essay will argue that a sonic theology is constructed in ritual context between individuals participating in worship and over time.

I. Introduction: Beck's challenge is a helpful one. Both Sonic Theology and his more recent volume, Sonic Liturgy take seriously the utility of liturgical studies for an ethnomusicologist like himself. Ed Foley and Mary McGann both provide helpful lenses by which one may understand the function of sonic symbols in liturgy. What I am proposing in this essay is that the semiotics approach of (ethno)musicologists Turino, Cumming, and Nattiez provide a helpful accompaniment to the liturgiological frame. The phenomenon of singing in the liturgy is itself the symbol. There is an objectivity to embodied performance that can be described as "symbolic." To get at this phenomenon, I've pulled together a little ethnographic data on the singing of "Blest Be The Tie That Binds" in Baptist congregations. It's commonly used at communion which gives it a handy liturgical context for the purposes of this essay. 

II. History of A Hymn: Baptist Minister John Fawcett (1739-1817) penned the text to "Brotherly Love" in a fit of sentimentality when he left his long-time pulpit for a new job in London. He and his wife were eventually overcome with their grief and returned to the former congregation. It's a curious piece that has two melodies assigned to it though DENNIS is the most common. What I cannot uncover, however, is how and when the hymn made its way to the United States. Did it come in a collection of hymns? Or did Fawcett bring it himself when he was invited to speak at Brown? The historical record is unclear (though this too would make a fun project). Over the years Fawcett added several verses though contemporary hymnals include only three or four. 

III. Present Day Performance: Here's the fun question as far as I'm concerned...Where did this little tradition come from and how widespread is it? No one knows. Again, did Fawcett suggest it be sung when the Lord's Supper is celebrated? Who can say, but there it is. Baptists across the country stand in circles and hold hands while singing the first verse of the hymn. The question that then emerged after collecting the data was simply, "What does it mean?" The ethnographic data reveals that it means a great many things. And the text of the hymn does not always frame the meaning. Also interesting is that the meaning of the rite (or if it is even a rite) is seldom explained to people performing it. They are left to their own devices to make meaning. Beck's work is a helpful tool to framing just how this happens. And, in turn, the results of the analysis prove to be a rich field and Turnino's "semantic snowballing" comes to the fore.

IV. Semiotics, Theology, Composition: Semantic snowballing is a handy turn that Turnio (ethnomusicology) offers up to describe how symbols, specifically musicking behaviors, accrue meaning over time for communities and individuals. His Peircian framework is mammoth but helpful no less as Turino is interested in how Peirce helps us understand music as a social phenomenon. Similarly, Cumming takes a Peircian approach but to it she adds some feminist critical theory and frames various kinds of "desires" between composer, performer, and audience that adds a helpful affective dimension to Turino's frame. There are different kinds of loving at work. But this is not the only semiotic approach. Nattiez frames a separate trinity of "concept, behavior, and sound" that expands our understanding just a little further. Here is where we have to remember that there is a theological act in the making. Returning to the ethnography, I'll explore this activity and suggest that Augustine's Trinitarian theology is a helpful vessel for comprehending what's at work. There is a risk in this as none of the respondents mention Augustine, but as a liturgiologist, I'm hopeful that I can pull the old sage out of my tool box and put his ideas to work because his "multifaceted loving" is an expansive enough notion to hold these musicological analtytical tools. It is, if you will, my own understanding of  the hymn as I have experienced it. Here the researcher adds his own perspective to the ethnography. The snowballing continues and meanings are composed in each iteration of the rite. This is where I will nod to Jacques Attali's notion of "composition." This still feels a little far afield and may simply end up as a footnote (a long one at that), but I think the philosopher has a helpful framing here. 

V. Conclusion: I think Beck asks the right question. And turning toward ethnography (McGann) is helpful. Foley's taxonomy, however, feels heavy handed. The semiotic tools I offer expand us beyond functionalism's taxonomies into something a little more generous. Composition happens. We may or may not like it, but as human behaviors are concerned, it cannot be ignored. Framing meaning is not framing orthodoxy. It's simply coming to an understanding of one another in the social life of the worshiping community. 

So, that's what I got. Have at it! 

Filed Under: conjecture |   | Permalink

Wrecking Ball: No, Really

Posted March 10, 2015 @ 1:52pm | by Tripp 



Filed Under: hymns |   | Permalink

Skittering Words

Posted March 6, 2015 @ 7:45pm | by Tripp


he text sometimes leaps off the page and my mind reels. The ideas communicated are pristine and invasive. I muddy them with my own cross-referencing thoughts. One ideas scattered into a million notions. That’s just the first page. The act of reading has become a kind of interstellar navigation with unpredictable intrusions from gravity wells and creatures with one too many limbs. And I have forgotten my towel. 

I read.
I who am.
I read.

It’s like this bad poem from High School or something. It’s an embarassment, but a necessary one no less. Every time I open a book my mind skitters across the pages and I am lost. I am supposed to be writing, but this is as close as I get. I string wordstogetherinthevainhopethatsomething of value emerges.

This is what it’s like for me to work on comps.
It’s just my brain in the way once again.
This is not a problem of discipline.
This is something else.

Sadly, whiskey only makes things worse. 

Filed Under: conjecture |   | Permalink

Mountaintop Quandary

Posted March 2, 2015 @ 9:01am | by Tripp


How do you solve a problem like Lady Gaga?

Is she the mother of monsters or is she Julie Andrews' biggest fan? Did you see her on television singing a medley from The Sound of Music? The internet exploded with commentary. Lady Gaga, with much less fanfare and show than people might expect from the performance artist who has been known to wear a meat suit, stood before the audience and delivered. She had trained for months to develop the vocal technique similar to Julie Andrews. She retooled. Changed. She moved to where she needed to be in order to connect with new people especially her hero. It was an incredible gesture.

There's a kind of artistic humility in this. And a kind of courage and confidence. From piano bars to "Little Monsters," to Tony Bennett, and now The Sound of Music, Gaga has managed to reach countless people. Her twitter account alone has over 44.6 million followers. Her reach is astonishing and, truth be told, so is her artistic courage.

She has also failed. She has produced absolute drek. Maybe you saw her Thanksgiving special of a couple of years ago. Or the Muppet Holiday Special?

Then she gets up and tries again. She has elevated spirits and given those who thought they were on the outside of society a sense of belonging and place. And, now, she presents us with something new and powerful, an homage to a hero, a new sound, a new embodiment for her music. Unafraid of old sounds or new sounds, of one generations music or inventing the music of a new generation, she places herself at the intersection where Tony Bennet and Jim Henson's Muppets cross over with drag queens and people who simply want to dance.

I could talk about her for a long time. I'm a big fan.

And I know that much of what she presents publicly is marketing show. No more. No less. And yet I wonder what we, the Church, can learn from Lady Gaga's fearless risk-taking positioning of herself at the intersection of generation after generation of music-lover.

Has she seen that it is a small world of connection in which we move and are loved and are held by one another? And have we, the Church, somehow forgotten?

Baptist minister and sociologist, Bob Dale has written that this is the first time in history (as far as we have bothered to track this kind of thing) where six generations are alive in the church at one time. Six. The church is not simply made of Boomers and Millennials. It's not made up solely of young families, or elder leadership. It is made up of 90 year olds. 80 year olds, seventy year olds, ten year olds, one year olds. All of the generations are at the intersection of society that we call "Church."

This is not a problem to be solved, but it does present a quandary, a challenging reality in which to live. It's a mountaintop quandary.

This is the holy ground upon
which Moses stood all those years ago.

This is the place where
the burning bush still burns
if we simply have the eyes and hearts to take note of it.

This is the place where God says,
"Go tell Pharaoh to let my people go.
All the people.
Not some of the people,
but all the people the old and the young."

No wonder Moses trembled on that mountaintop. It is so much easier to market ourselves to a certain kind of people, to people who remind us of us.

But Moses.
Moses was asked to go get God's people.
People who he did not know.
And set them free.
Not for his own benefit.
Not for wealth or fame or honor or position.
If we've learned anything in the last few decades in the church it's that wealth, fame, honor, and position are fleeting. At some point we started looking more like Empire and less like God's People. God calls us to the work of liberation not Empire-building.

Where we, the Church, stand today is on the mountaintop where there's a burning bush and we have gathered to ordain one of our own to pick up this charge in which we all share: "Set my people free."

A few weeks ago I was in Norfolk, VA. for the Samuel DeWitt Proctor Conference. Dr. Proctor was one of Dr. Martin Luther King's mentors. The conference is an annual event where progressive African-American seminarians, pastors, and educators gather together to speak about the shared work that is set before them. It's an incredible event.

This year there was a panel of speakers who shared their experiences ministering in Ferguson, MO. One was a young woman, a seminarian at Eden Seminary. She has been very active in the #blacklivesmatter movement in Ferguson. She has been asked time and again, "Who is the leader of the movement?"

It's a question that infuriates her because it misses a central facet to the movement itself. This is a people's movement. She started to preach right there with everyone looking on from this passage about Moses and the burning bush and she asked us to imagine for a moment that Moses wasn't alone. Just for a moment, she said, imagine.

Moses is not alone.

Leadership, she said, in this day is not about any one person.

Leadership, she said, is a collective effort. "There are so many of us standing before the burning bush. And this time it wasn't just one person who said, 'yes' to the call but a people saying 'yes.'"

It was a powerful moment as she everyone in the room to respond to a shared call - not a solo call of rebuilding the status quo in our own image, but to the liberation of a people.

It is a world of connection in which we move and are loved and are held by one another. We are called not just to liberate ourselves but the Empire from itself in the process.

Liberation that does not liberate both the oppressed and the oppressor is no liberation at all.

It is simply the building of a new Empire.

It is astonishing to me how Dr. King's message, one he preached from this very pulpit, is still so relevant today. It astonishes me that so many years later a message given before I was born is still needed. Dr. King did not see his work taken to its fruition. We have not seen this work taken to its fruition. And I see now that I too must be humble and recognize that I too may not see this work taken to its fruition.

You see, this is the thing about mountains and mountain tops. Mountains are a kind of quandary. Like society itself, not a problem to be solved, per se, but something to be navigated, something to be understood and engaged, to be taken seriously, but you can't fix a mountain.

Just like we cannot fix the reality that there are six generations alive and present in the Church. We cannot fix people's opinions of us. We cannot fix what other people do. We cannot fix geography.

So Moses didn't fix it.
He climbed it.
He scaled it.
He went to the top of it and there,
there is where Moses met God.
Moses discovered his own liberation
and the call to liberate others.

You cannot have the mountain top experience without the quandary that is the mountain itself. Dr. King himself had to ask, "Is organized religion too inextricably bound to the status quo to save our nation and the world?"

Dr. King did not fix the problem of racism.
Instead, he showed us liberation.
He did not fix The Church.
He called the Church out on its need to be Empire
and asked us to be participants in God's
liberating message.
Some of us left Egypt.
Some of us didn't.

But that didn't stop Moses.
It didn't stop Dr. King.
It didn't stop Jesus on his way to the cross.
God never stopped loving everyone and neither can we.

All God's people are beautiful,
Disco studiful
Square rootiful
Old cootiful.

People of every
musical taste,
those who love men,
those who love women,
those who wear drag,
those who march,
dance, rally, praise,
and desire love.

The work of liberation takes striving and time. It is the work of generations...all of us at once serving the future, the generations yet to come. It's a daunting task, but that cannot stop us from proclaiming the mountain top truth of liberation of all people that this world is a world of connection in which we move and are loved and are held by one another.

And this, Rev. Jessica Abell, is your charge.

Be an extremist for Love.
Proclaim liberation to the captives
and the captors.
Live. Learn.
Join the throng in Denver
and Ferguson who are
Standing before the burning bush.
Stand on the mountain top
and in the intersection
and breathe deep with them, my friend.
Learn how to sing again. Retool. Create.
You will need to catch your breath,
take your time,
for it is the long game of God
that we call ministry.
Take courage. Be humble.
You will not see the end of it.
But you can participate
in God's work in us.
You can call us
to God's liberation.
Some will join you.
Some will not.
Some will even respond
violently to the call of liberation.
But you still must stand
for the ground you stand on
is holy. And you are
not alone. We are with you.


The sermon for the ordination of Rev. Jessica L. Abell at First Baptist Church of Denver, CO; she is the first woman to be ordained by the congregation in FBC's 150 year history.

Filed Under: random foolishness |   | Permalink

Lisa Gungor and Finishing My Degree

Posted February 25, 2015 @ 1:12pm | by Tripp

I am listening to Lisa Gungor's album, "From the Ground." I have always liked her voice. And her collaboration with Michael Gungor (her husband) in the band Gungor is always interesting. Still, he gets the majority of the attention there. His guitar is prominently featured. Lisa's album, on the other hand, is about her voice and the lyric. 

Now, I am not one for lyrics. What does that mean, you ask? I like the sounds over the words.  A good melody is great because of the melody and not the lyric. There are scores of tunes I know but still cannot recite the lyric. Lisa's stories are compelling. Wrapped up in the silky voice and the stark instrumentation, she provides just enough sonic scaffolding to tell the story. 

Righteous stuff. 

That said, or writ, I have yet to write anything for my comps. They are due next Friday. Between now and then I'll be flying to Denver to preach a friend's ordination service. I'm elated to do so. But, you know, there's just not enough time this side of the eschaton for me to do what I need to do. 

Right. You knew this already, but I whine. I'm whining now. I'm wasting words on my blog that might very well belong in a comps essay. My study skills and habits are proving troublesome. So is my personality. 

God made me this way, some would say. I don't know about that. It's more complex, I'd gamble to say. Still, here we are. I'm whining. I'm imagining not completing this program. I don't experience it as a loss, per se. It saddens me to no end, but it's not a loss like in winning or losing. It's not a failure, either. It's just hitting the edge of my limits. I can't dunk a basketball, either. 

I am no less valuable a person. Those aren't my hangups. I have many hangups, but that ain' one of 'em. I'm awesome. But I'm limited. 

This may be the limit for me. I just can't do this work. 

Is that so hard to imagine? No.

And I need to imagine it if I stand any chance of completing the degree. 

Can you imagine that? Imagining completing it is not helping me. It stymies my ability to do the work. Imagining not completing it is much more realistic somehow, much more helpful. Ah well.

I'm just tapped and I want to disappear.  

One last thought. Some will say that I should not share such wrangling in public. They are smart people and likely right. But I'm doing this to work out my own stuff. If such wrangling offends, I am sorry. But, if I am honest, I find it scandalous that public speech about failure would be such an anathema. So, there's that. I will speak openly about failure. Know that. 

Filed Under: hymns |   | Permalink

Challenges, Coffee, and the Lack Thereof #occupycomps

Posted February 24, 2015 @ 9:11am | by Tripp

Clearing the cobwebs this morning. First thing that comes to mind is that social media is proving too much a distraction. Usually, it helps with my more extroverted thought processes. It also helps by providing a little (or a lot) cognitive white noise. Not now. I have too much to do in too little time. I have to get this shit done.

The other thing that has come to mind, the second thing, I guess, is that I am out of the big post-its. This is a great sadness. I’m going to have to find another way into these essays. No biggie, but I kind of liked the post-its.

These are always in careful interplay in my mind.
Some people rise to the challenge,
I find it a personal affront.
Life is hard enough.
Add a “challenge”
and I want
to quit.

But today is a day for other things. Again, my limitations are being tested and without the post-its to help me through this process has become more difficult. I still don’t know what kind of work I’m actually doing. Quality is ephemera. “Correctness” is a myth. I had forgotten how much of the humanities is institutionally approved opinion about the ineffable. Theology is more so.

There is a significant voice in my head that disdains the entire project for that reason alone. Sound and fury signifies nothing unless you get a grant. God, I love this stuff. Why is that?

I should get a cup of coffee.  

Filed Under: random foolishness |   | Permalink
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